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Sunday, August 3, 2008



Collins English Learners Dictionary defines Courtship to mean:

(A). “ Action of a young man in being polite and friendly to a woman whom he hopes to marry”
(B). “Period before a man and a woman get married after they have become friendly.

Therefore if a man wants to marry, he has to seek God’s help and guidance not to make the wrong choice. If man falls in love with a girl and the man approaches a girl for marriage and the girl consent to the offer, they have entered into marital agreement.

I advocate seriously as Christians that the pastor/pastors of either of the lovers should be informed early. Why? Because they are they spiritual fathers who will give account of them before God. They should be consulted for prayers, guidance and counseling, as well as to be witnesses to the agreement.

For two people to agree in marriage secretly, without the consent of the pastors and parents of the girl, and they go about their secret engagement is sinful. Some will go as far as having pre-marital sex. This is fornication, and no fornicator has a part in the kingdom of God. A situation where a boy would want to ascertain girl fertility before wedding is contradicting the word of God.

“For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that you should abstain from fornication; that every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour. 1 Thessalonians 4:3, 4

I also strongly propose as Christians (Christian standard of marriage is basic) that the parents of the girl in question should be informed not necessarily for customary settlements to begin, but that official introduction should be made. Avoid secret engagement.

So, during this period of engagement, it is better called “the period of courtship”. This period is very important because it is a time to:

Know Each Other: Courtship is a time when the boy and the girl can discover the joy of being special to somebody. While it is generally unadvisable to prolong courtship, it should not be rushed either. The main essence of this time is to get better acquainted with your future partner, being special to somebody. While it is generally unadvisable to prolong courtship, it should not be rushed either. The main essence of this time is to get better acquainted with your future partner, being the process of two lives together in away that will form a lasting foundation for marriage.

To spend the period apart, seeing each other once or twice a year, defeats its purpose and robs it most valuable asset – togetherness. Some times, this situation cannot be avoided as in the case of students studying in different universities or the missionary couple who are working in two different countries when they are engaged. They have to make do with exchanging letters each week. It will not affect their love, but I want to guess that they will have a lot of adjustments to make when they get married. During courtship the couples spend more time together. After a while, the novelty off “Falling in love” wears off and the two settle down to being themselves.

The initial tendency is put on act, to create a favour able impression on the other partner. When the barriers are down and couples know each other well enough to be themselves; the time has come to confirm God’s will for marriage.

Compatibility: If God has truly called two people together they will be suitable for each other, and will complement each other. Marriage should not be a patch up job, where partners try not to get in each other’s way. Although united in marriage, the couples still maintain their own individuality, but also blend together to form a complete person.

Compatibility is very important in confirming the will of God for your marriage, God will never put people together and they begin to see deference. Should such deference be ignored or work hard to be minimized? The answer is that if a couple is having problems during courtship particularly in the area of personality clashes, getting married would not diffuse the issue. Statements like this would be avoided: “I wish I had never gone ahead with this marriage”. “I regret to marry you”, I thought we could make it work. Etc.

Courtship is a time of doing one’s homework over again, a kind of revision. If the couple cannot get it together, they should re-examine their guidance, to check and see if God has real spoken to them. If does not mean that one would go about picking faults, but it will emerge during normal everyday interactions and reactions and general comments. As the courting couple could see each other, pray together, perhaps witness together, talk, visit each others family, they themselves will know whether their love is genuine.

Learning To Be Faithful: The blessing of courtship can be marred if one is not aware of the hidden dangers of familiarity and proximity. Some people wrongly believe that because they have promised to marry each other, physical contacts permissible.
One should not only keep away from evil, but also the appearance of evil. We take our standard from the Lord and not from the world around us. The Christian courting couples owe it to themselves and to the Lord to keep their relationship pure and uncompromising.
Bless you!

Edited by Jude U. Nwaogu,
Tel: +234 703 104 2160.